Not What I Planned

Please disregard the post I made in April about my renewed joy and commitment at returning to my husband and to the North Country. After thirteen years together, my husband no longer wishes to continue our relationship. He requested a divorce when I arrived in the North Country.

I am worried about him. I met his student/girlfriend, and many of the "facts" she provided about their relationship are very different or in direct opposition to the "facts" he told me. My friends say I shouldn't worry about him anymore, but after thirteen years, I don't know how to not care about his feelings, even if he dumped me.

I am staying in Massachusetts for a few months while I look for work, pay off my overdrawn credit card, save money to payback family members I borrowed cash from to get to the North Country, and save up enough for a deposit and first/last month's rent on an apartment. I am lucky to have friends who will let me stay with them when for the first time in my life I don't have a penny to my name.

The funny part of all this is that I always swore I had to be able to take care of myself. My husband always told me that we're in a marriage and we give and take - no one is actually taking advantage of the other. When I finally put myself in a position of vulnerability, he proved my mom's point that never under any circumstances should you trust someone with your financial safety (let alone your heart).

My husband is letting me use our joint account to pay for one more round of my prescriptions. I don't have any money for the doctors, but at least I won't have to stop my meds cold turkey. I am glad for his generosity because it will allow me a full month to slowly wean myself off my meds. Hopefully doing it slowly will keep things from being too bad when I have no medication left.

I won't really be posting for a while. I don't want to turn into a whiney teenager who posts angsty poetry and bitches about the hell she is now living in. I will be revamping this blog sometime later once I have figure out what to write about.