Online Dating is Fun?

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As a 42 year old single, queer, poly, switch, I find myself participating in the world of online dating. I have tried a few different sites. Lesbotronics is great, but they rarely have anybody I match with. I've never met anyone through lesbotronics, and the site was even blocked at a Phoenix coffee shop. Pink Cupid annoyed me. Match.com was filled with monogamous people looking for love, marriage, and a baby carriage. Tinder was gross. So that leaves me using OKCupid most of the time.

I've created a list of things I search for in online dating profiles before deciding if it's someone that I'd like to meet. I am well aware that this list might mean I miss out on some interesting people, but these have ended up as deal breakers often enough that I just skip folks who smoke (for example).

If you're interested in my list, you can see it behind the cut.

Things I've Learned on the Train

I am now a commuter. I always swore I'd never be a commuter, but look at me now! I take a bus and a train to work every single morning. I often get to stare beyond someone's shoulder to see the advertisements, and some of the stations have huge ads that cover the floor or the walls. Here's a list of some things I've learned during my commute.

No Pee for You!

Harvard Square

I had a lot to see in the Boston area after relocating here in the Summer of 2013. Harvard Square was definitely on my list - it's Harvard and the Gilmore Girls had been there! I don't really remember my first visit because it was a whirlwind day of learning how to use public transport in the company of a friend and her two young children.

I do remember the Harvard Coop (pronounced like a chicken coop): a large, four story bookstore of joy and wonder (the folks who are in the crosswalk in the above photo are facing the Harvard Coop).  The Coop has a great book selection and knowledgeable employees. The Coop sponsors events and activities, they sell board games, they have a really cute children book's section downstairs, and there's a cafe on the third floor. 

I had assumed that everyone who goes to the Coop is in the place because of all these wonderful features. Browsing a large bookstore in a beautiful building with marble floors is a lovely way to spend an afternoon. Heck, it's a wonderful way to spend many an afternoon! You would assume wrong. The Coop is most well known for having one of the only usable bathrooms in Harvard Square. They have always been reasonably clean when I went in, and there's always a line of at least three people. Even the men's room is less disgusting than I had expected.  Yes, I have been in the men's room. When there's a super-long line for the women's bathroom and nobody is using the men's bathroom, I will go into it. They are single-occupancy bathrooms so I won't be making any men uncomfortable. As with the majority of men's rooms, the area surrounding the toilet tends to be a bit... moister.. than the women's room, but other than that, the bathroom is well kept and clean.

that they have a bathroomI love going to Harvard Square for a cup of tea. Tealuxe is a delightful, tiny teashop that won't let you use their bathroom. So what's a woman full of tea supposed to do? When you ask, the employees suggest you visit the Harvard Coop.

Harvard Square is home to the only brick and mortar Curious George Store! After a visit to Tealuxe I was desperate to remove the liquid from my system and feeling guilty for always running to the Coop. I purchased an expensive Curious George toy and asked to use their restroom. Unfortunately they don't have a bathroom customers can use, so they sent me to the Coop!

If I owned or managed the Coop, I'd be pretty annoyed. In 2014, Boston.com reported that between eight and ten million visitors go to Harvard Square each year.  That's a lot of potty breaks running through the Coop - it's really impressive that they keep two single-occupancy bathrooms so clean and well maintained! Even with that many people in the area it's never once been out of toilet paper when I stopped by.

I almost always attempt to give the Coop business when I run over to pee, but honestly, I don't buy something every time. The last two times I was there I fell for books whose fonts were so small that I couldn't purchase them.

There are other businesses with usable bathrooms, but I have only been to two others who 'fessed up to having bathrooms for customer use - Peet's and Crema Cafe (both coffee shops, but I recommend Crema because they have a better selection of everything and a really nice sized menu).  

Massachusetts: A Different State of Mind

Moving to the Boston area has led me to a very important conclusion: Massachusetts works hard at being different than anywhere else. 

1.  Tom Brady Is More Important than the President

Tom Brady - Serious About His Game

Do not ever admit that you have no idea who Tom Brady is. Tom Brady is a very important football player. Even non-sports people know who Tom Brady is and seem to take pride in his stellar abilities. As you can see in the photo above, Tom Brady has a very serious face when playing football. I assume this earnest expression is what makes him so very, very good at his job.

2.  Dunkin Donuts Is Where It's At
This does vary from person to person, and Starbucks has certainly made inroads in the Boston area. However, extremely non-scientific polls of coworkers who were raised in the greater Boston area show that Dunkin is the go-to coffee place of choice. The first Dunkin Donuts is located in Quincy, Massachusetts (super close to Boston).

The Original Dunkin Donuts Looks Cool (tastes eh)

My reference to "Dunkin" shows that I am not a native. It's nicknamed "Dunks" here because two syllables are just too many, and don't confuse a Massachusetts native by asking if their regular coffee is caffeinated. Here a regular coffee means "with cream and sugar" not "high tess, full of important morning caffeine."  Extra syllables and clarifications are simply not possible before morning java.


3.  DMV?  What's That?
Massachusetts is the only place I've ever lived that doesn't have a Department of Motor Vehicles.  Here they have the Registry of Motor Vehicles (RMV).  Why it needs its own special name is a mystery that nobody in the area has been able to explain. On a plus note, if you google RMV, the MassDotRMV is the first thing that comes up.   


4.  Folks From Massachusetts Have No Idea What Ice Hockey Is

The Boston Bruins Play Hockey, Not Ice Hockey

This statement would horrify a local, but it's true. I have been laughed at over and over and over again for referring to ice hockey because hockey is played on ice. Period. The addition of the adjective causes giggles amongst Boston-area natives. 

When questioned, a Boston-area native will admit that there are other kinds of hockey, but all other forms of hockey require qualifiers.



So there is hockey and there is field hockey.  Field hockey is played by high school girls in skirts who will kick your ass with a wooden stick until you're bruised and crying. Hockey is played on ice by men on ice skates who will kick your ass with their wooden sticks. Do not confuse the two.


5.  Beer Drinkers Think Samuel Adams Is Ugly
 

This is what Sam Adams looks like. 

This is Paul Revere.

The owners of Sam Adams beer think his mug is so ugly that their Boston Lager features Paul Revere.

6.  Duck Boats Rule!!!!
Boston is a revolutionary city, so there are tours constantly.  Walking tours, trolley tours, bus tours, even duck boat tours.  A duck boat is a style of boat used in World War II that goes by land and by water, and by golly, there's a fair amount of both here! Take all the tours you want, but don't miss this one. I've had one out of state visitor who came to be a tourist, and she refused to listen (yes, L, I'm looking at you), so now she is flying back out from Arizona specifically to go on a duck boat tour and to rearrange my furniture.

Screw you, Indiana, Boston loves GLBTQA folks so much that even our tour boats have rainbows!

7.  Painting Placement Is for Perpetuity
This is an optimistic city. Twenty five years ago $500 million worth of art was stolen from Boston's Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. Twenty five years later the empty frames hold their place for when the paintings have been found.

We're waiting for your return!

8.  If You Don't Know How to Get There, You Don't Deserve to Get There
Within Boston proper the streets are all labeled and generally easy to find. However, the suburbs are crazy. They don't mark all the streets at an intersection, so if you don't know what street you are on, it's extremely difficult to figure out where you are in relation to where you're trying to get.

New Jersey was much simpler to negotiate. All you needed to know was that to turn left, you go right.  Massachusetts, however, makes you flip a coin and pick a left! GPS is a bit foggy about the locale, and it will say turn left when you are at an intersection with five or more streets spread out in front of you for you to choose from. To make it even more interesting, the street that is vaguely straight ahead might not actually be where the street continues, so even going straight can screw you up. I can't figure out how to find a photo of this phenomenona, so if you've never driven here, you'll have no idea what I mean.
UPDATE 05/27/2015:  Look, here's a map that shows just a small amount of the problems one encounters when attempting to navigate this city.  
UPDATE 07/03/2015:  This map is what I was trying to explain.  Oh sure, I still don't have one of the crazy, unlabeled 6 road intersections, but oh well!

No idea who to thank for this. It's been all over social media.

9.  State Agencies Do Not Release Requests for Proposals (RFPs)
If you write proposals and plan to move to Massachusetts, you will need to know this. I assume that the rest of you could care less. In Massachusetts they requests responses, not proposals. So go to COMMBUYS (their brand spanking new website that looks like it's from the 1990s) and search for Requests for Responses (RFRs) to your heart's content. The search will be long and hard because like many 1990s databases, it is extremely difficult to search. I'll take the FedBizOps over COMMBUYS any day.

MA Resident

It's official. I live in the vicinity of Boston in Massachusetts. My car has two license plates on it now. My driver's license is no longer a spiffy New York Enhanced Driver's License that allows me in and out of Canada, Mexico, and certain Caribbean nations as long as I don't fly there. I was very sad to have to give that up. After the entire process was complete and my new license was in my hand, the woman at the Registry (they don't call it the DMV in MA!) told me that I had a YEAR before I needed to update my license. So now I need to get a new passport.

That's right. My driver's license and car and insurance are now in Massachusetts. However, that's not the most important thing. I have my own Charlie Card. It's the public transportation system in Boston. All "real" residents have one because you will need to take the T (train) to get someplace. And it turns out that my "new" old wallet (never used, found when sorting my stuff) is even Charlie-card like with a pocket on the front so I don't have to take the card out.

Oh yeah. I'm stylin' now.

My very own Charlie Card.

Farmer Boy

Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder

There is something oddly satisfying about sitting at my friend's loom weaving while she reads Farmer Boy to her son. I have always loved the Laura Ingalls books, but I have never heard them read aloud. It seems right that I weave yarn she spun while she explains to her son about how people made clothes back then and couldn't just go to the store and buy new clothes if their shirts were ripped.

I used to live near the Wilder Homestead in Malone, New York. I always meant to visit, but I never made it. I always assumed there would be more time. Ah well, maybe one day I'll go to Minnesota to visit the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum in Little House, Minnesota instead. Minnesota is not in my near future, though.

I think I should start seeing and doing things I want instead of waiting for some unknown future date. It's not good to assume that something will remain the same or good. Whole lives can change in seconds or minutes, and then when we do, we're left wondering why we didn't do or say or enjoy that thing that we were thinking about. I don't want to have so many of those "why didn't I" and "what if I'd" moments.

In the meantime, I'll listen to my friend read this book and other books to her son while I sit at the loom and weave or sit at the sofa with my embroidery or whatever it is that I choose to do. Maybe one day I'll even finish the embroidery project I started over a year ago.

What Would You Need?

Imagine that you had to leave your home but will not be on the streets. You have a great place to stay, friends to be with, furniture to sleep on, and access to water, etc. What items would you want to bring with you when you left your home. Once you have a new home you would have access to all of your belongings, but what items would you want with you in the interim?

Here are a few of the items that come to mind, but what would you need?

1. Clothes
2. Shoes
3. Toiletries
4. Accessories (jewelry, hair ties, etc.)
5. Blow dryer, curling brush, pick your electrical hair poison
6. Razor, other beauty maintenance items
7. Make up 
8. Computer
9. Cell Phone
10. Medications
11. Purse (and everything that you normally carry)
12. Wallet and credit cards
13. Backpack/bag (and everything you normally carry in them)
14. Some books and/or a kindle and/or a library card and/or a friend with lots of bookshelves just waiting for perusal
15. Paper and pads
16. Pens (they're like Lays, you can never have just one)
17. Favorite crafty items (if you crochet, hook and yarn; if you do wood carving, some wood and knives; etc.)
18. Contact information so you can keep your bills straight
19. Some of your favorite things that help keep you calm (a journal, your blankie from when you were three, whatever it is that you can hold onto each day as a part of you)
20. Perhaps some treats that your friend doesn't stock (teabags, kimchi, whatever is your cuppa tea... ha ha hha) - FYI, I hate kimchi, but I know some people love it
21. Lunchbox for when you find work
22. Storage items for clothes, accessories, beauty items, etc.
23. A fan

Of course, your list probably differs from mine. What are the things that you would include on your list?

Boston

Boston's a bit harder to handle than I expected. This is my first time living in a truely urban area. The two cities I've enjoyed the most have been small cities (Tucson, Arizona, and Hamilton, New Zealand). I grew up in a small town, I have lived in Orlando, Florida, but I was only there for a month before I returned to New Jersey still jobless. And I have, of course, lived in rural New York.

Boston is different. It's urban. It's scary. It's got so many wonderful things to offer, but actually getting to them is a challenge. I get lost whenever I drive, even if it's someplace I've been, so a thirty minute trip to the store will take me at least  one and a half hours. I don't understand the public transportation options. When I was staying in Boston proper for vacation last fall, it seemed pretty straight forward, but attempting to actually do things on a schedule seems to be difficult (and I keep forgetting how to get to the T ;-)

I've also been looking for things to do. I am so happy to be staying with my friend right now. She has a wonderful house and a great family, and she's made me feel very welcome. But sometimes I'd like to go hang out with some folks without kids. I assume I'll meet such folks once I get a job.

Now, off to get a suit that fits!

Got Milk?

Boston is a very large city. Imagine my surprise when I discovered milk is still delivered to your doorstep one morning a week!

I have been using real half-and-half in my coffee because delivered-in-a-glass-bottle creamer is far cooler to use than my regular soy creamer. In fact, I have been drinking coffee all week just so I can have the half and half. Hmmm.... I think I need to switch to black tea...