Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Friday, June 29, 2018
Back in my day
There are so many posts out there about 1980s beauty products and the best 1990s products and everything we remember from school. However, the lists never work for me. My high school years were 1988 to 1992, so half the products are from when I was too young and the other half are when I was older. I decided to make my own list of the things that defined my high school years, and there's going to be a comparison of then and now.
Fresh Breath
I was a tapper. I tapped my fingers, my toes, my pens. The folks around me couldn't stand it, and so I started chewing gum - lots and lots and lots of gum. My fresh breath went on and on with Big Red. I went through a large pack of 20 every day. When I was a Rotary Youth Exchange Student in New Zealand, I discovered that cinnamon gum was an American thing. There was no Big Red in Hamilton, and I couldn't even find cinnamon gun. My parents sent it to me in bulk a couple of times, and after a month in customs, I got to chew my nice, stale gum.
These days I avoid chewing gum, but I still love cinnamon. I usually have cinnamon altoids in my purse. I love the heat.
Multiple Earrings
My mom had my ears pierced when I was four, but when I hit high school I wanted multiple ear holes. I had a second set done my junior year of high school. My senior I went for all the funkadoo and put a third hole in my right ear only. Within three years, I was back down to my original earring holes only.
In the early 00s I got an inner conch piercing, so now I sport my original holes from when I was four, my inner conch, and a nice couple of scars from the three additional high school holes.
Star Trek
Back in high school I had this weird belief that Star Trek was something to be ashamed of. I have no idea why since I was a fairly unapologetic nerd. I preferred Star Trek Next Generation to Deep Space Nine.
My first Star Trek may have been Next Gen, but these days my heart belongs to Janeway.
Romance Me, Bay-bee
My stepmother gave me my first romance novel when I was eleven years old, and I filled my life with them. I read several per week.
Then I got older and got out of the closet. Years of supermarket romance have been replaced by my current obsession with lesbian vampires and werewolves. Ok, fine, I might read other books, too, but my lesbian supernatural lovers don't mind.
Hair Products
I know I started high school in the 1980s, but I stopped using Aquanet before high school because I heard that my hair was killing the ozone layer. I used Rave. It was cheap, and you only had to clean out the spray hole every few days. I can't remember what kind of mousse I used with it, though.
These days I use what my hairstylist gives me, and she sold me Kevin Murphy's Antigravity Spray. I also use the Kevin Murphy powder wax and the dry wax spray sometimes. My hair's short and brightly colored now!
Wakeup and Makeup
I started wearing MaryKay at eleven years old when my stepmother threw a MaryKay party for me and my friends to learn how to wear makeup. I wore it for years, eschewing the cool Maybelline that my friends wore so that I could put on my purple eyeshadow from my pink compact. No primer, no setting spray, just three shades of purple eyeshadow, purple eyeliner, and purple mascara. The purple shadow trifecta!
These days I wear a lot of different kinds of makeup, but I use some of those massive eye shadow palettes. Sometimes I pull out three different palettes to use only one color from each! First I have to pop on some eye primer, use a matte neutral, then go with a couple of these for some pretty metallic shimmery joy. I skip the eyeliner most days because I've got such hooded eyes, and my mascara is brown,or very occasionally black.
Nummy Nummy Smells (I'm channeling Spike here!)
My mom sold Avon, so I used a lot of Avon products. Sure, it was the age of Skin So Soft everything, but it was the peach products that used in high school. In college I was all about The Body Shop, but in high school, I swore by that peach shampoo and lotion!
These days, I have problems with scents, but I still like having soft skin! If I don't make my own body butter, I use Etsy, and my current favorite shop is TheSheaShak. I buy unscented most of the time, and the delicious scent of cocoa butter and coconut oil is amazing. I do get lavender essential oils sometimes.
High Hair
So here's the thing, I was a Jersey girl. High hair was a requirement. The best high hair out there was Jennifer Keaton's. She was the perfect girl. She was smart, athletic, beautiful, and her hair, oh my goodness, she was a dream.
And guess what, Tina Yothers, the actress who played Jennifer Keaton is an absolutely gorgeous adult who still has a beautiful smile. She also learned that we don't need to tease our hair to look fabulous.
Nail Polish
Ah nail polish. I got in so much trouble for nail polish as a wee kid. I decided that pink would be a good color for the side of my dresser. It turns out parents aren't keen on that type of thing. The nail polish for all young girls was Wet n Wild for $0.99.
These days I use... Wet n Wild for $0.99. They've stepped up their game. I bring it with me when I go for a mani/pedi, and it lasts longer then the fancy polish they use there!
Kissable Lips
I loved my lip gloss. I still wore Kissing Potion long after everyone else stopped. I mean, unless it was a Rotary event, at which point I'd put on some Mary Kay lipstick, but I still have a soft spot for rollerball lip glosses because of that.
Lets face it, Kissing Potion just makes your lips sticky. Nobody wants to kiss that. So while I do war lip gloss sometimes, I generally prefer a sheer tinted lip balm. The Clinique Pep Start is a great color for me, and I've got super soft lips ;-)
Tip Toeing Through the Tulips
The shoe of 1990 was the boat shoe, and it had a very special knot! It was this funky loop around the edge. My friend, who I am still friends with almost 30 years later, showed me how to do the knots. I think I could still do them, too. However, I don't wear LL Bean boat shoes anymore, so, well, I have nothing to do the knot on.
I have more shoes then I had back then. These days my favorite shoes are knee high leather boots and these little hot pink booties. Truthfully, I chose to show you my pink booties because they fit in the frame better than my legs in boots that go all the way up to the knees.
Moving Right Along
My first car was a 1980 Chevie Citation, white. It was falling apart. You couldn't put your foot down when you stepped into the driver's seat because it was rusted through - if I'd put my foot down too hard, it would have gone through the brake lines! The passenger side window was busted - if you put it down it wouldn't always go up, even if you had someone pull on it while you turned the handle. The driver side door was broken. You could open and close it, but it didn't always work. It was better to just slide across. Oh! And I replaced the transmission twice (with a junk yard transmission). But oh, what fun it was to drive in a rusty Chevrolet!
These days I live in the Boston area, which means I could afford a vehicle or I could afford rent. I've got a monthly charlie card, so I can get around town on the bus and train! I think my first car was in better shape than the vehicles that take me to the office.
Fresh Breath
I was a tapper. I tapped my fingers, my toes, my pens. The folks around me couldn't stand it, and so I started chewing gum - lots and lots and lots of gum. My fresh breath went on and on with Big Red. I went through a large pack of 20 every day. When I was a Rotary Youth Exchange Student in New Zealand, I discovered that cinnamon gum was an American thing. There was no Big Red in Hamilton, and I couldn't even find cinnamon gun. My parents sent it to me in bulk a couple of times, and after a month in customs, I got to chew my nice, stale gum.
 |
| Top: Big Red cinnamon chewing gum, Bottom: Altoids cinnamon mints |
These days I avoid chewing gum, but I still love cinnamon. I usually have cinnamon altoids in my purse. I love the heat.
My mom had my ears pierced when I was four, but when I hit high school I wanted multiple ear holes. I had a second set done my junior year of high school. My senior I went for all the funkadoo and put a third hole in my right ear only. Within three years, I was back down to my original earring holes only.
 |
| Left: Ear from someone on the net, if it's yours, let me know. Right: My left ear |
In the early 00s I got an inner conch piercing, so now I sport my original holes from when I was four, my inner conch, and a nice couple of scars from the three additional high school holes.
Star Trek
Back in high school I had this weird belief that Star Trek was something to be ashamed of. I have no idea why since I was a fairly unapologetic nerd. I preferred Star Trek Next Generation to Deep Space Nine.
 |
| Top: Star Trek Next Generation, Bottom: Star Trek Voyager |
Romance Me, Bay-bee
My stepmother gave me my first romance novel when I was eleven years old, and I filled my life with them. I read several per week.
 |
| Left: A Harlequin Romance from the 1990s, Right: An awesome werewolf lesbian romance |
Hair Products
I know I started high school in the 1980s, but I stopped using Aquanet before high school because I heard that my hair was killing the ozone layer. I used Rave. It was cheap, and you only had to clean out the spray hole every few days. I can't remember what kind of mousse I used with it, though.
 |
| Left: Rave Ultra Hold Hairspray, Right: Kevin Murphy's Antigravity Spray |
Wakeup and Makeup
I started wearing MaryKay at eleven years old when my stepmother threw a MaryKay party for me and my friends to learn how to wear makeup. I wore it for years, eschewing the cool Maybelline that my friends wore so that I could put on my purple eyeshadow from my pink compact. No primer, no setting spray, just three shades of purple eyeshadow, purple eyeliner, and purple mascara. The purple shadow trifecta!
 |
| Left: Marykay compact with interchangeable shadows, Right: BH Solar Flare |
Nummy Nummy Smells (I'm channeling Spike here!)
My mom sold Avon, so I used a lot of Avon products. Sure, it was the age of Skin So Soft everything, but it was the peach products that used in high school. In college I was all about The Body Shop, but in high school, I swore by that peach shampoo and lotion!
 |
| Left: Avon peach products, Right: body butter from TheSheaShak |
High Hair
So here's the thing, I was a Jersey girl. High hair was a requirement. The best high hair out there was Jennifer Keaton's. She was the perfect girl. She was smart, athletic, beautiful, and her hair, oh my goodness, she was a dream.
 |
| Right: Jennifer Keaton, Family Ties Season 6 or 7, Left: Tina Yothers, the actress |
Ah nail polish. I got in so much trouble for nail polish as a wee kid. I decided that pink would be a good color for the side of my dresser. It turns out parents aren't keen on that type of thing. The nail polish for all young girls was Wet n Wild for $0.99.
 |
| Left: W&W polish circa 1980s, Right: W&W 2018 |
Kissable Lips
I loved my lip gloss. I still wore Kissing Potion long after everyone else stopped. I mean, unless it was a Rotary event, at which point I'd put on some Mary Kay lipstick, but I still have a soft spot for rollerball lip glosses because of that.
 |
| Left: Kissing Potion lip gloss, Right Clinique Pep Start |
Lets face it, Kissing Potion just makes your lips sticky. Nobody wants to kiss that. So while I do war lip gloss sometimes, I generally prefer a sheer tinted lip balm. The Clinique Pep Start is a great color for me, and I've got super soft lips ;-)
Tip Toeing Through the Tulips
The shoe of 1990 was the boat shoe, and it had a very special knot! It was this funky loop around the edge. My friend, who I am still friends with almost 30 years later, showed me how to do the knots. I think I could still do them, too. However, I don't wear LL Bean boat shoes anymore, so, well, I have nothing to do the knot on.
 |
| Top: Some other brand of boat shoes with knots, Bottom my favorite pink short boots |
Moving Right Along
My first car was a 1980 Chevie Citation, white. It was falling apart. You couldn't put your foot down when you stepped into the driver's seat because it was rusted through - if I'd put my foot down too hard, it would have gone through the brake lines! The passenger side window was busted - if you put it down it wouldn't always go up, even if you had someone pull on it while you turned the handle. The driver side door was broken. You could open and close it, but it didn't always work. It was better to just slide across. Oh! And I replaced the transmission twice (with a junk yard transmission). But oh, what fun it was to drive in a rusty Chevrolet!
 |
| Top: somebody else's chevie citation, Bottom: My new stinky ride |
Monday, October 9, 2017
C is for Columbus and Crayons
Columbus Day, the celebration of colonialism also known as "Oh Shit, I Need a Babysitter Day" and "Bring Your Kids to Work Day." To celebrate this momentous occasion, you, too, can use your work place's computer and printer to provide your child with coloring pages celebrating a man who liked to chop the hands off people who didn't mine gold fast enough for him. Don't worry, those people didn't have crayons, so your decisions obviously have no effect on how you choose to celebrate this historic occasion.
To the left is just one of the many free downloads celebrating rape and pillaging. You can easily find photos of smiling men claiming an already inhabited country in 1492.
Signs of the holiday include, but are not limited to, the following:
* Trump's Proclamation about Columbus Day ignored the fact that there were people already living in the US when Columbus "discovered" it. <https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/10/06/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-october-9-2017-columbus-day>
** While it is a federal holiday, at least 16 states have replaced Columbus Day with Indigenous People's Day (http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/09/politics/trump-obama-columbus-day/index.html)
- The Federal Government's desire to thumb their noses at indigenous people's lives and the exploitation of land and people.*
- Free Parking in many municipalities.
- Protests about the US's continued celebration of the the death, destruction, and enslavement of indigenous peoples.**
- An increase in the number of crayons and children in office buildings nationwide.
- Slightly more seats being available on public transit during the morning rush hour as bank employees laugh at the rest of the country for slogging their way to work.
- A sigh of relief as public school teachers desperately try to catch up on their massive backlog of work due to under funding and too large class sizes.
- Sales so you can buy more stuff at discounted prices.
- Parades celebrating Columbus' Italian heritage.
 |
| Well known photos from the movie Home Alone |
** While it is a federal holiday, at least 16 states have replaced Columbus Day with Indigenous People's Day (http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/09/politics/trump-obama-columbus-day/index.html)
*** Home Alone was directed by Chris Columbus, not be confused with Christopher Columbus, but I can't help but wonder if his parents chose the name on purpose.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Starbucks Is Easily Dairy Free
I can't drink dairy. Starbucks is actually a good place to order from because they have soy, almond, and coconut milk, and most of their drinks can be vegan if you switch out your milk choice (even most of the fraps). Sure, you can't have pumpkin or caramel or chai there if you're vegan, but I'm not vegan, and I can have a wee bit of dairy (or in the case of their chai latte, I can drink honey).
But sometimes... sometimes I have to leave and giggle and giggle and giggle my way back to my desk.
Monday, June 26, 2017
Warning Labels
Sometimes when I think about dating, I wonder if I should come with a warning label. Something that sticks out of my seam telling people that they shouldn't remove the label unless they're going to keep me, but maybe they should leave it there since there will be others who need the label since I believe in and practice open relationships and polyamory (now that I write this, the concept of "practicing" a relationship style is its own article about terms and how they make us feel about our decisions).
Monday, June 5, 2017
Tarte Make Believe in Yourself Palette
I have been eyeing the Tarte Make Believe in Yourself eye shadow palette for months. It's a limited edition palette, and when it went on sale at Sephora for $30 last week, I let myself be talked into purchasing it.
Tartelette Tease Review
Until last year, all of my makeup has been Mary Kay or drugstore brands. MaryKay changed their formulas over a decade ago, so I had to switch, and I think I went through every drugstore brand of eye shadow out there. Unfortunately, all of them were too powdery and bothered my eyes, or they outright caused allergic reactions. I started purchasing the MaryKay eye primer, and that helped me enough to be able to use the eye shadows, but by the end of the day, my eyes would be burning and sore. Honestly, I just assumed that makeup and I were no longer friends.
I was tired of being miserable at the end of every wedding, funeral, and job interview (the only times I wore make-up), so over the winter I went searching for something new. After Ladylike on Buzzfeed mentioned Sephora several times, I decided to check it out. After weeks of sticker shock, I purchased the the Tartlette Tease and some Too Faced Shadow Insurance Glitter Glue Glitter Bonding Eye Shadow Primer. I WAS SOLD.
My eyes didn't burn at all by the end of the day! The color pigment on the My eyes didn't burn once I figured out that I needed to tap off extra shadow so powder didn't get in my eyes. I thought it was absolutely adorable that the color names were printed on the palette.
Friday, June 2, 2017
Face It
People often talk about the concept of "resting bitch face."
Everyone I know who says they have it, or who are said to have it, generally does not look "bitchy" to me. They just look like women who aren't smiling. There are all sorts of sites all over the internet dedicated to explaining this phenomena, the sexism in it, and everything else, so I'll leave that to you to go find.
In the meantime, I refer you back to The Girl Scout Laws. When I was a kid and walked 20 miles uphill go get to troop meetings.... ok, that was before my time. In my day, 20 of us would pile into my troop leader's van), I had to swear every week that I would do my best to be cheerful ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Give us a freaking break!
What about folks like me? I have "resting looks like she is miserable or is about to start drooling because her mouth hangs open all on its own" face. I need a shorter name for it. I thought of "My face not in motion," but that still seems too long.
Wait! I've got it! It is my "not thinking about or aware of you right now so call it whatever the fuck you want" face. Most commonly found when I'm reading on the train, working at my desk, and possibly when I'm using the toilet, but that is done when I am alone so no one can see me. Even when there are mirrors right across, from the toilet, I Have to look away. I can't look someone (even myself) in the eye! Taking a dump is a private moment. It would be weird to know someone was watching me - even if it was only me. I hate when toilets are positioned to face mirrors!
So if I shit in the woods and no one sees, does anyone care what my face looks like while I do it?
Everyone I know who says they have it, or who are said to have it, generally does not look "bitchy" to me. They just look like women who aren't smiling. There are all sorts of sites all over the internet dedicated to explaining this phenomena, the sexism in it, and everything else, so I'll leave that to you to go find.
In the meantime, I refer you back to The Girl Scout Laws. When I was a kid and walked 20 miles uphill go get to troop meetings.... ok, that was before my time. In my day, 20 of us would pile into my troop leader's van), I had to swear every week that I would do my best to be cheerful ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Give us a freaking break!
What about folks like me? I have "resting looks like she is miserable or is about to start drooling because her mouth hangs open all on its own" face. I need a shorter name for it. I thought of "My face not in motion," but that still seems too long.
Wait! I've got it! It is my "not thinking about or aware of you right now so call it whatever the fuck you want" face. Most commonly found when I'm reading on the train, working at my desk, and possibly when I'm using the toilet, but that is done when I am alone so no one can see me. Even when there are mirrors right across, from the toilet, I Have to look away. I can't look someone (even myself) in the eye! Taking a dump is a private moment. It would be weird to know someone was watching me - even if it was only me. I hate when toilets are positioned to face mirrors!
 |
| This clip art is terrifying - the toilet might be watching? |
So if I shit in the woods and no one sees, does anyone care what my face looks like while I do it?
Saturday, February 11, 2017
My Mom and Valentine's Day
I have celebrated Valentine's Day romantically once, two weeks before my ex started cheating on me, so I am bitter about Valentine's Day.
Well, that's over. Valentine's Day belongs to my mom. I don't remember ever giving her a valentine, though I probably did when we exchanged them in grade school. The holiday is about love. I can't send a her card or thank her for all the years where she came to me to make sure I knew she loved me, which I was too stupid to realize the importance of. But I can return the day to my mom and her white roses and carnations and sappy "I love you cards." I love my mom. She deserves that.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
It's Never Final
I don't think I've ever seen a comic that better defines what my job looks like as I approach production time for a proposal. Even if I call each person individually to verify that they have no changes on the draft, as soon as I send the final out, I start getting emails, "Oh, hey, I know it's due in two hours, but maybe we can schedule a call in half an hour to discuss adding one paragraph to Section 5 that is essentially a duplicate to what you put in Section 2, and I want you to change the spacing in the middle of the graphic that I sent you that you don't have an original for and that was made by my former colleague's second cousins brother's uncle."
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| PhD Comics: notFinal.doc |
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