C is for Columbus and Crayons

Columbus Day, the celebration of colonialism also known as "Oh Shit, I Need a Babysitter Day" and "Bring Your Kids to Work Day." To celebrate this momentous occasion, you, too, can use your work place's computer and printer to provide your child with coloring pages celebrating a man who liked to chop the hands off people who didn't mine gold fast enough for him. Don't worry, those people didn't have crayons, so your decisions obviously have no effect on how you choose to celebrate this historic occasion. 

To the left is just one of the many free downloads celebrating rape and pillaging. You can easily find photos of smiling men claiming an already inhabited country in 1492.

Signs of the holiday include, but are not limited to, the following:

• The Federal Government's desire to thumb their noses at indigenous people's lives and the exploitation of land and people.*
• Free Parking in many municipalities.
• Protests about the US's continued celebration of the the death, destruction, and enslavement of indigenous peoples.**
• An increase in the number of crayons and children in office buildings nationwide.
• Slightly more seats being available on public transit during the morning rush hour as bank employees laugh at the rest of the country for slogging their way to work.
• A sigh of relief as public school teachers desperately try to catch up on their massive backlog of work due to under funding and too large class sizes.
• Sales so you can buy more stuff at discounted prices.
• Parades celebrating Columbus' Italian heritage. 

Well known photos from the movie Home Alone

* Trump's Proclamation about Columbus Day ignored the fact that there were people already living in the US when Columbus "discovered" it. <https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/10/06/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-october-9-2017-columbus-day>
** While it is a federal holiday, at least 16 states have replaced Columbus Day with Indigenous People's Day (http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/09/politics/trump-obama-columbus-day/index.html) 

*** Home Alone was directed by Chris Columbus, not be confused with Christopher Columbus, but I can't help but wonder if his parents chose the name on purpose.