Starbucks Is Easily Dairy Free

I can't drink dairy. Starbucks is actually a good place to order from because they have soy, almond, and coconut milk, and most of their drinks can be vegan if you switch out your milk choice (even most of the fraps). Sure, you can't have pumpkin or caramel or chai there if you're vegan, but I'm not vegan, and I can have a wee bit of dairy (or in the case of their chai latte, I can drink honey). But sometimes... sometimes I have to leave and giggle and giggle and giggle my way back to my desk.

Starbucks is currently running a buy one get one free for grande iced macchiatos between 2 and 5 pm. So I got one for me and a coworker. I was going to get a latte with coconut milk. My coworker is actually allergic to or has sensitives to dairy, soy, almonds, and coconut (some are allergies and some are sensitivities, and I don't nkow which). Needless to say, my coworker wanted just the espresso with no milk. However, to get the buy one get one free, you have to order them as lattes. I made the mistake of ordering the no milk one first. They were like, “You can’t do that. You can order an iced espresso, but the deal is for an iced latte or macchiato, you can’t order espresso over ice as part of the special.”

Ok…. I tried again. “I’d like to order the buy one get one free latte special. For the first, may I please have an iced latte with coconut milk.”

“No, you don’t do that. A latte is made with regular milk.”

“Ok, so what you’re telling me is that to get the buy one get one free offer I have to make myself sick by consuming dairy? I am willing to pay extra for the coconut milk.”

“No, you can buy both these drinks, but you can’t get the buy one get one free offer.”

“Ok, lets try this again. I’d like to buy two iced lattes on the buy one get one free special. Please put the milk for each one in a separate cup on the side. I’d also like to buy three tablespoons of coconut milk in another cup."

“You can’t buy a latte and ask for the milk to be served separate, and you can't buy three tablespoons of coconut milk."

“So please help me. How can I order the buy one get one free items without getting violently ill from consuming milk?”

“Oh, you have an allergy?”

“Yes.”

“You should have said so. If you have an allergy, I can make it with non-dairy milk.”

“Ok, I would like an iced latte with coconut milk and one iced latte with no milk. This is on the buy one get one free special.”

“You have to have milk in both of them to get the buy one get one free special.”

“But my friend is allergic to dairy, soy, almond, and coconuts.”

“Oh.”

“So please give me the special buy one get one free. I’ll go talk to the person making the drinks and make sure she understands.”

“But a latte without the milk is just espresso on ice.”

“Yes. Yes, it is. But for you to ring it up on the special, you have to call it a latte and hit the "no milk" button."

At which point the staff member tries it and manages to order my drinks.

So I got my iced latte with coconut milk and the iced latte without milk (i.e., espresso over ice). Apparently from now on I’ll have to start with, “Hi, I’d like to place an order. I’m highly allergic to milk, soy milk, and almond milk. Please serve me a …”

I realize that this person is probably new, but wow. I was annoyed and confused but very polite while placing the order. By the time I left, I was barely able to control my laughter over it. When I got back to my building, I was giggling so hard that I had to stop and stand by the wall (thankfully the security guard reminded me that the wall had fresh white paint on it before I pressed my black dress covered ass against the wall). Once I calmed down I was able to get back to my desk where instead of doing what needs to be done I decided to make this post. I'm going to regret that in 30 minutes when I should have left 20 minutes ago.