The Sounds of Christmas

http://www.bettycrocker.com/videos/videolibrary/desserts/holiday-blossom-cookies

One of my least favorite things about the holidays is listening to very slim women eat all the sweets around the office while they bitch and moan about how very fat they are getting because people bring in sweets, and hear about how disgusting they'll look when they have to wear their size four fat pants because they can't fit in their normal clothes.

I particularly like when they go on about how they're going to ruin holiday pictures because nobody wants to see a fatty holding a plate of food. It's gross, and if they eat a second cookie they'll never get a date again because everybody knows that nobody likes cellulite. It's fun to hear them explain that they're turning into disgusting cows because people bring food into the office and vendors send food to the office.

The food is free. It is not required eating. And if nobody likes to see a disgusting fatty with a plate of food, why exactly do they tell me there is free food around the corner or offer to bring me and my 250 pound ass a plate?

*nibbles a cinnamon rugelach with glee*

*feels sorry for women who worry that their partners won't touch their ugly fat asses if they gain five pounds and have to wear spanks to fit into their holiday dresses*

*shudders at the idea of wearing spanks*

My arms aren't long enough for me to take a photo of myself eating cookies, so I tried to google for photos of fat women eating cookies. I wish I hadn't. The photos were either NSFW sexy pictures of half naked fat women, horribly cruel memes, or photos of thin women oogling cookies while eating lettuce.