'Fetish' 1. noun. Justification for prejudice against individuals you do not have a personal preference for. As in 'I hate skinny bitches. My fetish is for BBWs because I like having cushion for the pushin'!"
2. noun. List used on some social networks to objectify people and cultures. As in 'My fetish list includes Degradation, Asian Women, African Americans, Whips. Transwomen, On Your Knees Before Me, and Up Skirting.'
Disclaimer 1: There are several other definitions of the word that I'm not including here. I have no need to. You can look them up and enjoy them. I certainly have a list of preferences that I've included on lists before, but I hope they aren't so outrageously ridiculous.
Disclaimer 2: Fetishes in and of themselves are not items I am writing about. I am writing about a specific use of fetishes that is used to classify entire races or groups as sexual objects. There are people who like being objectified. In fact, that is a fetish. However, there's a big difference between objectifying an individual for the purposes of consensual enjoyment and objectifying an entire group of people based on them being themselves.
I am a white woman who fits the small town raised, white bread American girl concept where most people I knew could list the number of locals who were not a melting pot of white. I am now a big, fat white woman who weighs over 250 pounds and is 5'2". As it turns out, I'ma fetish now. I went out with a man last year and felt like a freaking fat-chick-harem as he brought his girlfriend and a friend he likes to play with and he walked into a party surrounded by three obese women with dark plastic glasses. I didn't like it. Nor do I like being contacted by folks who specifically want to be smothered under my weight or to squeeze my folds or to watch me eat massive amounts of food because I am their fetish and not because they enjoy what I have to say *and* find me attractive because I fit in a specific body type that they enjoy.
That's one form of objectification for my basic bodily features that is freaking me out. In the past I've had folks who just liked the size of my bosom or my long hair or something, but this is different. This is objectifying my basic full body for a fetish. And looking through folks lists and talking to them, it's not uncommon to hear that "Asian women are the hottest!" or "MMmmmm, dark meat gets my motor running."
I'm meeting and talking to adults who list themselves as feminists and queer and open minded who say that they have a fetish for "chicks with dicks" and "transmen" or whatever it is. Not a preference. A fetish. That's stronger than a fetish. These same individuals aren't saying, "I prefer brunettes." They say, "I have a fetish for an entire group of people." Then they list whether or not that entire race or gender or sex should be dominant or submissive, and in conversation they tell me they are feminists.
So here's the deal - you can have a long fetish list that has a huge number of power play concepts, sadistic tendencies, kinks of whatever persuasion you prefer. It took me years to accept that because I thought feminism meant that all interactions needed to be on equal power play levels. However, I still have problems with the idea of feminism and objectifying an entire race of people being one in the same.
I had a submissive black girlfriend. A main hard limit for her was that she would never be a slave for a white woman, even in the bedroom, and would never, under any circumstances, wear a collar for a white woman. I have also spoken with a black woman who enjoys the contradiction of choosing to be a submissive and wearing a collar for a white man. All well and good, but there's something creepy feeling about a white man saying that he is always on the prowl for a tiny Chinese woman to serve him and then saying that he is a feminism because all power play is about choice.
There is no real start or end to this post. It's just a topic that I've been trying to work through understanding. Perhaps I'm over reacting and this is still a matter of consenting adults. Perhaps this is what's leftover from my fear of kink as a counter culture that was the antithesis of feminism. I'm not sure. I'm just trying to understand and figure out how to deal with people who fetishize entire races.
Please post here with some of your ideas, whether you agree or disagree with this post. I need more to chew on because I've been running this around and around in my head and feeling guilty like I'm judging the folks who fetishise the other races, and I'm not keen on that concept, either.
07/14/15: This blog article: http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/09/dating-as-an-asian-woman/
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