Online Dating is Fun?

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As a 42 year old single, queer, poly, switch, I find myself participating in the world of online dating. I have tried a few different sites. Lesbotronics is great, but they rarely have anybody I match with. I've never met anyone through lesbotronics, and the site was even blocked at a Phoenix coffee shop. Pink Cupid annoyed me. Match.com was filled with monogamous people looking for love, marriage, and a baby carriage. Tinder was gross. So that leaves me using OKCupid most of the time.

I've created a list of things I search for in online dating profiles before deciding if it's someone that I'd like to meet. I am well aware that this list might mean I miss out on some interesting people, but these have ended up as deal breakers often enough that I just skip folks who smoke (for example).

If you're interested in my list, you can see it behind the cut.

1. Overweight and Obese
I do a word search on a person's profile and in their response to questions for the words overweight and obese. I also look for terms like, "I am fit and expect the same." If they say they'll have sex with, but not date, a fat person and don't give any further explanation, they're probably asshats. I'm fat and proud. If someone won't date a fat person, it's not worth me wasting my time. I missed this once and ended up on a date with someone who showed up, looked at me, and left. I appreciated that he didn't waste my time, but it was a bit shocking!

I can't believe that there are only 13 self-described feminist
bookstores left (Antigones in Tucson, AZ, is one of them)

2. Everything is by white, straight, cis men.
"If they don't read books, don't fuck 'em." I enjoy curling up with longterm partners while we read. Discussing books and movies is important to me. If a person's books and movies are all about and/or written by white, straight, cis men, we probably don't have enough in common.

3. Only Females Born Female
Um, nope. Transphobia is not on the list of what I'm looking for.


4. STIs
If someone is discussing their STI status and notes that they are "clean," they are going to piss me off in conversation. STI status has nothing to do with whether or not someone showers in the morning! I am actually dating someone right now who did use the term "clean" for STI results, and I ended up having to explain why that's an issue for me.

I have no idea who this profile picture is for, and I don't date kids!

4. Photos

1. If their photos include guns or dead fish, we're not going to be a good match. I am not anti-gun, but if shooting things is so important that it's in someone's dating profile then they can find someone else who has guns in their shot. I don't find someone standing on a boat holding a dead fish to be at all enticing. 
2. If their photos are all sports related. I've enjoyed hanging out next to a girlfriend who was watching whatever sport at the time (hockey or football, usually). I'd read or check email while she screamed at the tv. That was fine as a sometimes occurrence, but if all seven photos are pictures of sports events then the person is probably going to be far more sports-involved than I am, and we're not going to enjoy spending time together.
3. None of the Photos are of the person alone. I really don't want to have to try to guess which photo belongs to the profile.
4. The photos are of body parts, not faces. I'm looking to date a person, not a bare chest.
5. The photos include children. I don't care if your daughter, nephew, best friend's cousin's baby, or any other child is incredibly important in your life, put a black box over the kid's face. Kids don't belong on dating sites!
6. A lack of photos gets an automatic block. I don't care what your personal circumstances are, if you are worried about your photo being online because of your job or not wanting people to know about you, then don't put up an online profile. If someone tries to tell me they don't have a photo up "because of their job," then I think they should create a better profile. It is possible to create a complete SFW profile. 

6. Incomplete Profiles
If someone can't be bothered putting time into their profile, then I can't be bothered getting to know them. An empty profile also makes it impossible for me to look at the match percentage, and those percentages are handy. If someone's at 60%, we probably have a very different set of beliefs.

Ok, my partner can buy me a pink diamond car.

5. Expensive Gifts
A gross OKC question asks if expensive gifts are necessary all the time, sometimes, or never. I won't date someone who expects expensive gifts. Gifts are a joy to give and receive - insisting on a high price point means we have very different priorities.

8. Must Own a Car
Unless someone buys me a pink diamond car, I can't be their date-who-drives. I have contacted a few people who had that sentence in their profile to let them know that I don't own a car but am very comfortable using the MBTA and uber/cab system to get around. They all insisted that they only date people who own cars so they don't end up becoming cab services for their dates. Ok, whatever. I'm a mildly successful professional woman who prefers a bigger apartment to having a car and who hates to shovel. If they think that a car will someone affect our interactions then we aren't meant to be.

http://coalcares.com/index.html

9. Breathing is Important
I can't handle dating smokers. Not only do they taste bad, but they sometimes give me asthma attacks. I sometimes chat with "occasional smokers" to find out what they means to them. I don't look for it now that my cat has passed away, but I used to also look for people who were allergic to cats because I had a cat, and my clothes were always covered in cat hair.